


A Dimensional Rift in Crumpets

by wafer



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, M/M, accidental mean girls reference, but a joke i take very seriously, ive literally been working on this for TWO YEARS, ooc behavior caused by excessive alcohol consumption, so please cut me some slack, some cringey shit i will probably regret later in my life, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 7,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12016485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafer/pseuds/wafer
Summary: Crumpets. On the counter? Where did they come from? Where did they go? Why are they doing this? Find out the answers to these questions - and more - in this very special edition of Doctor Who: "A Dimensional Rift in Crumpets."





	1. Chapter 1

Tegan Jovanka was not one of those people who complained all day if they didn’t get coffee. She didn’t need it - the only real difference it really made to her day was it either gave her horrible shaking anxiety attacks, or it did nothing. Still. She was an adult woman, and she felt even more adult when she drank coffee in the morning, so that’s what she did. Besides, nowadays she couldn’t tell the difference between anxiety attacks caused by coffee or anxiety attacks caused by being in a series of life-threatening situations.

Today her routine was no different, despite the tense atmosphere she felt around the Doctor and Nyssa, who were playing a somber game of chess at the small kitchen table.

It was Adric’s birthday - the first birthday he would have while not being alive. He would have been 16. Tegan was in a horrible mood and desperate for a distraction, which she knew wasn’t much to ask for in the TARDIS. Especially traveling with public enemy Vislor Turlough, whom she definitely did  _ not  _ trust, thank you very much.

Tegan sighed and poured excessive amounts of cream and sugar into her coffee. The Doctor looked over at her and opened his mouth, as if to say something, but was cut off by Nyssa.

“I have you now!” she cried dramatically, laughing sinisterly to herself. The Doctor looked away and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, do you have me now?” he asked smugly, looking down at the chess board and examining it. Nyssa’s smile became brighter and more triumphant as the Doctor’s face slowly fell, realizing she was right.

“Yes, I do believe I have you now.”

The Doctor sighed and moved his last piece, which he had quite literally backed into a corner. “Damn!” he shouted (rather loudly) as he watched Nyssa claim it as her own.“Check mate,” she said. “I win again. But don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get it next time.” Nyssa picked up the board and placed it back into the box with the game pieces.

Tegan rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her sweet coffee and cringing. No matter what she did, it never seemed to be sweet enough.

“Christ!” a voice yelled from down the hall. In stomped Turlough, still in his pyjamas and wearing an ugly pair of glasses. “Every morning, with the noise! Some of us like to sleep in, you know!”

“Sorry, Turlough. Didn’t mean to wake you. Although, it’s perhaps about time you got up anyway. I was planning on going mini-golfing today!” the Doctor said excitedly. Tegan snorted.

Turlough rolled his eyes and stormed out of the room, leaving the rest of the gang in an even worse mood than before.

The Doctor leaned his head in his hand. “Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”


	2. Chapter 2

Turlough felt horrible. He knew what day it was - the Doctor had told him all about his old companion shortly after he came aboard the TARDIS. October 25 - his birthday. Turlough  _ had  _ to feel horrible. He knew he couldn’t replace Adric; the boy was so young and was, from what he’d heard, a very excellent and influential companion to the Doctor. He’d heard so many stories about him, and knew then that he wasn’t really wanted on the TARDIS. Especially after that whole Black Guardian ordeal. He’d felt awful for forcing his way on board, and trying to kill someone who had been nothing but kind, accepting, and hospitable towards him. But now it seemed the Doctor wouldn’t even dream of letting him leave - most likely because he saw Turlough as a threat to society. How could someone like him replace someone as selfless as Adric? So yes, he felt horrible, and it was wrong of him to take it out on the very people he was trying to impress.

He was a very complicated person, he guessed. He wanted to be good enough, but he never really tried.

The pool was the most inviting place on the entire ship. Turlough was really the only occupant who used it, so he knew he could come here if he wanted to be alone and not bored. He glanced around at the sight before him, and down at his pyjamas, before jumping right in. He never bothered to remove his clothes when swimming - he knew the pressure weighing him down would just make him a stronger swimmer, so he usually elected to keep them on. The struggle to get across the pool was usually sufficient enough to help him forget his problems.

He swam around for a few minutes, feeling his muscles beg him for rest, which he wouldn’t give them. He noticed paint splattered all over the concrete walls. Yellow, green, and red. He didn’t know the entire story, exactly, but he knew Adric was the perpetrator.  When he had asked, the Doctor had become very glum, so he decided he didn’t need to hear a story in that moment.

The Doctor. He was definitely something else. He wasn’t at all what Turlough had previously anticipated. The first impression he had gotten from the Doctor was very serious, stoic, and rational. It wasn’t that the Doctor  _ wasn’t  _ those things, because he was, he was just so much  _ more _ . He was sarcastic, funny, caring, and sometimes he could even be downright silly. This attitude was what made it so hard to even  _ attempt  _ to...kill him. When Turlough looked back on it, he knew he was doomed from the start. He wasn’t a killer. And the Doctor could certainly never be his victim. The Doctor was a caregiver, and, dare he think it, a friend. The only victim he was was of a fashion crime.

Turlough shook his wet head and climbed out of the pool, feeling much weaker than he did before. He wrapped a pink towel around his neck and left the room, leaving a trail of water on the floor as he went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 years and I'm still not able to write longer chapters. I guess this story is just destined to have short chapters. Who am I to deny destiny?


	3. Chapter 3

Nyssa didn’t mean to fall asleep. The Doctor wasn’t boring - he was quite the opposite. But he did have a tendency to  _ ramble _ . On and on he would go, for what felt like hours. They had been talking about different types of tea, and their ‘properties.’ The Doctor had been saying he wanted to study them, which frankly baffled Nyssa. There wasn’t anything interesting about tea, in her opinion. It was just poorly flavored water. More water than anything else, really. She didn’t like it.

Still, the Doctor was her friend, so she listened. She even considered that he might just be pulling on her leg, to see if she was really listening or not. Which she was, and always would….Unless she fell asleep.

When she woke up, the Doctor was gone. She looked around, her eyes still fairly blurry and dry. She noticed a strange, unfamiliar blob on the counter, so she got up to investigate. As the world came into focus, she saw that it was just an ordinary plate of crumpets. Well, they seemed a tiny bit soggy, but other than that they were ordinary. Attached to the plate was a note. 

 

_ “DO NOT TOUCH THESE. I MEAN IT. - THE DOCTOR  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” _

 

“Hm.” She reveled at the strange smiley face, but decided to leave the crumpets alone. If the Doctor didn’t want anyone to touch them, then there must have been good reason behind it. Also, they smelled sort of...well, fishy.

She was about to leave the kitchen when she noticed the tea jar. She paused, remembering what the Doctor had been saying. She decided to be a good friend and show him she had been listening, so before she left, she grabbed a handful of tea and began heading for her lab.

The experiment had been as boring as she expected, but she still recorded her findings to present to the Doctor at a later date. As she was cleaning up the spilt tea leaves, she heard a female voice saying “Hi.”

She looked up and saw Tegan smiling at her and leaning against the doorway. “Oh. Hello, Tegan. How are you today?”

Tegan looked down and walked a bit closer to her. “Not great. The Doctor, Turlough, and I took a little trip to Galveston, but the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about...him.”

“Oh Tegan, I’m sorry.” Nyssa placed the notebook she had been holding and stepped forward to give her friend a tight hug. “He wouldn’t have wanted you to feel sad on his birthday, though.”

Tegan pulled away and stared at her. “Yes, he would’ve.”

Nyssa shrugged. “Yes...you’re right, he would have. So...that means you’re on the right track!” They smiled sadly at each other and Tegan helped her clean up the rest of her workspace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I'm just letting everyone know that ao3 is glitchy af. This work is not finished, it will AT LEAST have 13+ chapters. Also I'm pretty sure my notes are all jumbling up at the end of one chapter, and I don't know how to fix that, and I am very sorry. Anyways hope this is entertaining to at least someone aside from me, because that would make my day.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor was a good man. He knew he was a good man, because what else would you call a man who earned his title by doing good things? He knew, rationally, that he was a good man, but he often didn’t feel like it. He’d caused so much pain and suffering in his lifetime, not just for others but for himself. He’d had a friend, and to that friend he was a mentor; someone who could protect him. But he didn’t. He spent lots of time trying to reason with himself, convince himself it wasn’t his fault. Because in his head, it wasn’t. In his heart, however, it was. He tried to tell himself that Adric had been responsible for his own death, but that just made him feel worse. He’d rather take the blame and suffer rather than pin it on a 15-year-old boy who was only doing what he thought was right. It sounded a lot less dark and derogatory to him.

Still, he was soldiering on, like he always did. He needed to be strong for his companions that were still alive - that were just as hurt and vulnerable as he was. It was an emotional burden he had signed up for the second he had let them on board. It was difficult, at times, to pretend not to be affected. And a lot of the time he almost felt guilty for it, but it was a small price to pay for the emotional security and stability of his friends.

At that moment, he was lying in bed and being particularly introspective, which was something he didn’t actually do very often. He was a busy man, and often it wasn’t an accident or a coincidence. He had 750 odd years of experience with grief, pain, and suffering, and he hadn’t forgotten a single bit of it. After a while, that many emotions begins to take a toll on a person, and he must find something to distract himself. 

And right now, he’s had enough of thinking. Which is why he’s taken to one of his rarer activities of consuming so much alcohol he wouldn’t be able to move. He didn’t do it very often - only really on days of great stress. And today was definitely one of those days.

He had already been drinking since early in the morning, and he was quite somber knowing that his mini golf plans had been tossed in the garbage by both himself and his companions, who weren’t as enthusiastic about it as he was. So, he had no choice (let’s be real, he totally had a choice) but to drink his sadness away. But he knew no matter how much he drank that he’d have to wake up again knowing that the blood of a 15-year-old was on his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly? Did NOT feel like transitioning from introspection to action, so I just didn't. It's 7:30 am okay leave me alone. Also no the Doctor is not a raging alcoholic he just loves to taste his.....chronic depression. That was a very subtle dirty joke that no one will probably get. Ignore the chronic depression part and really think about it if you want to know.
> 
> God I'm a piece of trash. Here's a really really short chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

Tegan had been staring at the wall of the kitchen for almost an hour, feeling particularly empty inside. She had seen the crumpets, yes, and she was planning on following the note. Well...she  _ had  _ touched them, just to be defiant, but it had made her fingers feel rather tingly and strange. So she was leaving them alone, and definitely  _ not  _ eating them.

“Hello, Tegan,” a voice said from the doorway. She turned her attention to the Doctor, who was pouring himself a glass of water. He looked very tired.

“Are you okay, Doctor?” she asked. “You look really pale.” She got up from her seat and felt his forehead - it was a little warm, but not alarmingly so.

“I’m fine,” he laughed, gently removing her hand from his forehead. “Why wouldn’t I be fine? It doesn’t matter - I’m not doing anything anyway.”

Tegan looked at him suspiciously. “You’re acting strange.”

The Doctor gave her a stupid look. “I’m acting completely normal.”

She squinted at him. “I’ve got my eye on you.” He laughed awkwardly, turned around, and left the kitchen. 

Tegan sighed, rushing past him and heading for her bedroom. She didn’t feel like being around anyone, and she just wanted to lay down. When she got to her room she threw herself face-first onto her bed, only turning around to turn on the TV. She wasn’t really watching it, but she enjoyed having the background noise. She couldn’t tell from the noise what was playing, but she did recognize hearing some Arabic-sounding music and Phil Collins’ voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter yet but it actually has two very important plot points in it, so I forgive myself. I hope you do too and I also hope you are enjoying this at least a little. I promise it will get gayer soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Turlough wanted those crumpets. They didn’t look appealing, and surely didn’t  _ smell  _ appealing, but he lived to get a rise out of the Doctor. He was debating whether he should - would the Doctor even notice? Would this be the last straw? Would he kick Turlough out?

He knew he didn’t want to go back to Earth, which was surely where the Doctor would send him. Would he risk losing a place to stay, with people he actually enjoyed to be around, just to piss off one of said people?

“Oh, why not?” he muttered, picking up the crumpet and slowly bringing it close to his mouth, a grimace painted on his face.

It all happened in slow motion - the thundering footsteps, the “NOOOOOO!”, and the hand knocking the crumpet out of his. He looked up at the Doctor, whose cheeks were red as a tomato, and was panting.

“What the hell!” Turlough shouted. “You didn’t have to hit me like some sort of mammal!”

“I am a mammal, Turlough,” the Doctor said. He crossed his arms and gave him a stern look. “Why would you do that?”

“Do what?” Turlough asked innocently, mimicking the Doctor’s stance. He watched the Doctor’s stern face turn into one of frustration.

“You know what you did!” he shouted, his voice strongly resembling that of a 14-year-old girl. He reached out and lightly hit Turlough in the shoulder. “I know you read the note! You weren’t supposed to touch them, Turlough! Why did you touch them!”

Turlough was confounded. The Doctor was  _ definitely  _ not acting like his normal self. “What is up with you?” he asked, and the Doctor let out a groan.

“Why is everyone asking me that? Tegan asked me earlier, and now you? I’m  _ fine _ !”

“That’s not everyone, that’s two people,” Turlough said patronizingly. “What have you been doing? Are you okay? Don’t lie to me.”

“Oh, my god. You know what? Fine. I had a little bit to drink.”

“Well, I could tell the moment you walked in the room,” Turlough said. “But it couldn’t have just been a little bit. You’re acting very weird.”

“You’re acting weird,” the Doctor mocked in a petulant tone. “You know what? Do what you want! Eat the crumpets for all I care! I’m leaving.”

The Doctor left, pouting, as he said he would, and Turlough was left alone. He bent down and picked up the crumpet that had been knocked out of his hand and sighed. There was no point in eating it now that he had permission. He threw it back on the plate with the others and left to bother Tegan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing dialogue. I hate it. Also the Doctor is very ooc because I have the feeling that 5 gets really childish when he's been drinking. I hope it wasn't TOO bad and implore you to stick this out to the end!


	7. Chapter 7

Nyssa knew there was something unusual about the crumpets on the counter. They just didn’t look right - and they even seemed to have some sort of outline. She had heard what happened with Turlough, how the Doctor had known he was touching them without even seeing it for himself. Apparently, he had had a ‘vision.’ She wanted to know what was so...special about these crumpets. The Doctor clearly wasn’t planning on eating them, and they didn’t seem right, so what did he know that he wasn’t telling them?

She looked around and reached out a hand to touch the crumpets, but stopped herself. She didn’t want to get in trouble, especially not with someone who was drunk and hysterical. She sighed and quietly walked out of the kitchen, in the direction of the Doctor’s room. She figured she could perhaps throw him off her trail.

“Doctor?” she called quietly, knocking on the door. There was no answer. She knocked again, and was again met with silence. Nyssa turned the knob slowly and quietly, opening the door. All of the lights were on, and on the screen was the menu for the Scooby Doo movie. The Doctor was asleep in his bed, in his underwear, surrounded by half-eaten fruits. Nyssa rolled her eyes but was internally rejoicing. Hopefully he would stay asleep long enough for her to do some investigating.

She ran all the way back to the kitchen and picked up the crumpets, bounding to her lab like her life depended on it. But when she turned the corner, she bumped into someone.

“Jesus, watch where you’re - oh. Hi Nyssa.” It was Tegan, wearing her nightgown. She looked as though she’d just woken up.

“Oh, um, hello,” Nyssa muttered awkwardly, trying to lower the crumpets. This, of course, did not fool Tegan, who immediately looked down at them.

“What are you doing with those?” she asked, looking back up at Nyssa with an almost stern expression.

“Oh...um...just doing a little experiment?”

Tegan nodded slowly and pursed her lips. “Okay.”

“So you won’t tell the Doctor?” Nyssa asked, making herself look as pathetic as possible, hoping to earn more sympathy.

“No...your secret’s safe with me.” Nyssa sighed with relief. “IF...you let me help you.”

Nyssa smiled at her and gestured for her to follow. They walked together in comfortable silence to the lab, where Nyssa placed one of the crumpets underneath her microscope.

“Why are you doing this anyway?” Tegan asked, playing with one of the other microscopes.

“Don’t they seem a little off to you?” Nyssa asked. “They make me feel...tense. A little euphoric, even.”

Tegan thought about it for a second. “Yeah….I guess so. The Doctor did get them from some homeless man.”

Nyssa laughed and adjusted the microscope lens. After a few seconds of adjusting, she fell silent. Then she gasped.

“What is it?” Tegan asked, and Nyssa gestured at her to look. When she pressed her eye to the glass, she saw something she was not expecting. Light. There was a green light emanating from it. She looked up at Nyssa and they immediately rushed out of the lab, in the direction of the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another dialogue heavy chapter. But things are about to heat up. Next chapter is my absolute favorite. Writing it is so much fun and I think it's so exciting. Hopefully it lives up to that!


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor woke up to the sound of two sets of fists banging on his door and a female voice yelling at him from behind it. 

He groaned and rolled out and onto the floor with a loud ‘thud.’ Right as he did so, the door swung open to reveal Tegan and Nyssa. 

“Tell us the truth!” Tegan demanded, her arms crossed and her left foot tapping the floor impatiently. The Doctor glanced up at her, his eyes squinting from the light, and asked “The truth about what, exactly?”

“The crumpets!” they shouted together.

The Doctor nodded awkwardly, looking down and playing with the hem of his faded white undershirt. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, looking back up at them. “They’re just crumpets.”

“Oh, cut the bullshit, Doctor!” Tegan exclaimed, eliciting a gasp from both Nyssa and the Doctor. “It’s fairly obvious that there’s something off about them. Well, we’ve already figured it out, so just tell us!”

The Doctor sighed and sat up. “Very well.” He stood up to become eye level with them. “Go get Turlough and meet me in the library as soon as possible.”

Nyssa and Tegan nodded at him, and ran off to find the last occupant of the TARDIS.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was going to be much, much longer but i decided to cut it short because I HATE switching POV's within the same chapter. anyways next chapter should be really really long (by my standards anyway) but no promises.


	9. Chapter 9

Tegan and Nyssa located Turlough at the pool, as per usual, floating on a floatie, wearing his full uniform, and drinking a piña colada. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“The Doctor wants to speak to us in the library,” Nyssa  panted, leaning her hands on her knees in an attempt to catch her breath. “It’s about the crumpets.” Turlough rolled his eyes and rolled off of the floatie, swimming to the edge of the pool and pulling himself out.

They walked together in silence, aside from the sound of Turlough’s wet shoes squishing against the floor with every step he took. When they got to the library, the Doctor was standing with his back faced to them, and his hands folded behind it. “Yes, do come in,” he said in the poshest voice he could manage.

Tegan, Nyssa, and Turlough all sat on the loveseat and watched as the Doctor (very slowly) made his way around it until he was standing in front of them. His hands were still folded behind his back.

“I am sure you are very....curious as to why I have gathered you all here today.”

“No, we all know why we’re here,” Tegan said.

The Doctor sighed and rolled his head around, clearly disgruntled. “Tegan, just let me...just let me do the thing,” he quietly, in his regular voice. Tegan leaned back against the loveseat and made a gesture to show that her lips were sealed.

“Alright!” the Doctor yelled, clapping his hands. Turlough and Nyssa jumped, the latter placing a hand to her chest. The Doctor rolled his eyes. “In order for me to properly tell this story, I have to flash back to yesterday. When we were in Galveston.”

Tegan pretended to vomit as the screen started to ripple and fade into a flashback.

 

*FLASHBACK*

 

_ Tegan and Turlough stepped out of the TARDIS and into the city of Galveston, Texas. The air was warm and humid and smelled strongly of fish. _

_ The Doctor soon followed them, wearing a black suit and tie, a black duster (with the collar turned up), and a black fedora. He was acting strangely, doing a series of spins and pretending to peek from behind the walls of the TARDIS.  _

_ “What the  _ hell  _ are you doing?” Turlough asked, staring at him incredulously.  _

_ “Why are we here?” Tegan asked. _

_ “Where’s Nyssa?” _

_ The Doctor pulled his hands out of the pockets of the duster and stood up straight, his face exasperated. “She’s asleep.” He straightened his collar again. “Now let me do my thing!” _

_ “But we don’t even know what your thing is!” Tegan argued. _

_ The Doctor shook his head and pulled a pair of sunglasses out of his inside pocket. “All you need to know is that I have -” He put the sunglasses on. “ - business to attend to.” _

_ He stalked away in the direction of a Starbucks. Tegan stormed away in a huff and Turlough followed close behind. _

_ The Starbucks was strikingly cold compared to the air outside, and for that the Doctor was grateful. He ordered a free water and sat down, waiting. And waiting and waiting and waiting. _

_ He checked his watch. The person he was meeting was supposed to be there an hour ago. Sighing, he stood up, did one last look-around, and made to leave. _

_ That’s when the door swung open, revealing a man with a long bushy beard, which was contained inside of a fish net along with various seashells and even some seaweed. He was wearing a yellow raincoat, a yellow rain hat, and yellow galoshes. He seemed to be out of breath. _

_ “Doctor! Sorry I’m late - I got caught at the last minute with this huge landslide of mudflat fiddlers. Anyway - that doesn’t matter. I’m here now.” The man spoke in a slight Canadian accent, and seemed not to be able to speak without stuttering and tripping over his words. _

_ “Hi, Jim,” the Doctor greeted, still somewhat frustrated. They walked together to a table and sat down across from each other. “So, you said you had something you wanted to show me?” _

_ Jim’s face lit up. “Oh, yes.” He reached into his coat and pulled out a large, lumpy velvet bag. “I found these in the bay. It’s very important that you keep a close eye on them.” _

_ The Doctor watched with rapt attention as Jim tilted the bag and emptied out….8 soggy crumpets. _

_ “Crumpets,” the Doctor said. “You had me come to Galveston, in my spy gear, for  _ crumpets _.” _

_ “To be fair, I didn’t say anything about spy gear,” Jim said in a mock condescending tone. “And these aren’t just any ordinary crumpets. They’re special.” _

_ The Doctor stared at him, mouth hanging in open in disbelief. “How?” he asked sarcastically. _

_ “You just have to trust me,” Jim said gently. “I would...never lie to you, Doctor. I just need you to keep these for a few days. Just set them out on the counter for a while, let them breathe. And I’ll contact you within 2 to 3 days with an even bigger surprise.” _

_ The Doctor groaned. He began to reach his hand out to pick up one of the crumpets up before Jim slapped his hand away with a loud shout of “STOP!” _

_ “Jesus, Jim, what is it!” _

_ “Last thing - you can’t touch them,” Jim said. “Or else this happens.” He pulled down his sleeve to reveal a nasty green rash on the top of his hand. _

 

The flashback suddenly ended with a scream. Tegan had looked down at her arm and seen the beginnings of the rash forming on her fingertips. Nyssa and Turlough looked down as well and saw the same thing, although Turlough’s had spread a lot faster than the women’s.

“How did I not notice this before!” Tegan shouted, jumping off of the loveseat and running out of the room, presumably, to scrub her hand. Nyssa chased her out of the room yelling “Tegan, wait!”

“Why is mine so much larger?” Turlough asked calmly, examining his hand.

“I...don’t know, honestly. He never said anything about it affecting certain individuals differently.” 

The Doctor sat down next to Turlough on the loveseat. “How are you?”

Turlough didn’t look at him, instead continuing to stare at his hand. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem to be very happy here, that’s all.”

Turlough did look up at him at this time, an incredulous look on his face. “Why would you say that? Of course I’m happy here!” 

The Doctor put his hands up in defense. “I wasn’t suggesting that you weren’t - I only meant you didn’t seem like it.”

“Well I am,” Turlough said hotly. “Just stop it - stop it! I’m not like Tegan and Nyssa; you don’t need to interrogate me!”

“I’m not intero-”

Turlough jumped off the loveseat and stormed away, immediately regretting snapping at the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this chapter would be long. And it was really fun to write too. Hope someone enjoyed it!


	10. Chapter 10

Turlough immediately regretted snapping at the Doctor. The man was only trying to help - and he didn’t seem to be mocking or patronizing Turlough either. He honestly didn’t have any more bad intentions when it came to the Doctor, he was just naturally defensive. The second anyone tried, or succeeded in, figuring him out, he became a completely closed book. He’d never really ran into any problems with this, seeing as once he shut down, people stopped trying. But not the Doctor. He seemed as if he actually cared about Turlough, rather than just pretending like everyone else did. 

As soon as he got far away enough from the Doctor, Turlough slowed to a halt. He sat down against the wall and buried his face in his hands. The overwhelming guilt washed over him and took control of his body; he felt like someone was sitting on his back and holding him down, almost as if they wanted to stop him from hurting someone else.

He knew it was only a matter of time before the Doctor would become tired of him and kick him out. Exile him back to Earth once again. He figured it was time to start preparing for that; he knew that if he wasn’t expecting it, the hurt would show up on his face as clear as day. He knew that would be even more embarrassing than being kicked out in the first place.

Turlough could feel himself start to cry - involuntarily, or course - so he quickly covered his mouth with one of his hands so not to make any noise. Not that he thought anyone on the TARDIS would care if he was crying, anyway.

Just as that thought passed through his mind, he heard someone walking toward him. He glanced up and rolled his eyes. Of course, the Doctor would follow an angry ex-militant who had just taken all of his frustrations out on  _ him _ .

Turlough scoffed and wiped his eyes, trying to illude the Doctor into thinking he hadn’t just been crying. “What do you want?”

The Doctor sat down on the floor next to him. “I wasn’t finished talking to you, you know.”

Turlough refused to make eye contact with him, his gaze focused on the floor. “I don’t want to talk.”

“Then listen,” the Doctor said, somehow sounding both authoritative and comforting at the same time. Turlough laughed quietly - that description seemed to sum up the Doctor perfectly.

“Turlough, I’d consider us friends. I didn’t have to let you come aboard the TARDIS. But I did - not out of hospitality or of pity, but because I actually enjoy your presence.” Turlough’s head snapped up to look at him, confusion written all over his face. The Doctor just smiled right back at him. “You don’t have to get defensive all the time, you know. I don’t want to get into your head, or tear you down. I just want to make you feel comfortable here. Because you do belong.”

Much to his annoyance, Turlough’s eyes had started watering again. His face distorted into something unnatural as he tried to hold it in. When the Doctor placed a hand on his back, however, he had no choice but to let it all out. 

He knew he looked disgusting and embarrassing as he cried, but the comforting presence beside him helped him to not care as much. He leaned into the Doctor, whose arms immediately wrapped all the way around him as he cried into his chest.

“Thank you,” he managed. “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey heads up I don't post during the weekend because I am not at school then. Also if anyone is reading this, could you leave a comment with your editing suggestions? Any grammar mistakes? English is not actually my first language so idk how I'm doing on that front but I don't really notice any problems besides awkward sentence structure haha. Anyway just let me know thanks and let me know what you think! unless it's mean


	11. Chapter 11

Nyssa watched the scene unfolding before her, not comprehending this change in Turlough’s behavior. He had always been such a prat - not caring about anyone but himself and acting, quite frankly, like a sociopath. At any other time, she would have assumed he had no feelings, but her eyes seemed to be contradicting that idea.

Turlough was wrapped up in the Doctor’s arms, sobbing and muttering incoherently. What had the Doctor done to elicit such a reaction? She quickly stepped back behind the corner she had been peeking behind and walked away, heading for Tegan’s bedroom.

When she got there she knocked on the door once before opening it, not feeling the need to wait for an answer.

“Hello, Tegan,” she greeted, sitting on the bed and watching Tegan remove her makeup in front of her vanity.

“Hi, Nyssa. Do you need something?”

Nyssa shook her head. “Were you aware that Turlough was down the hall crying in the Doctor’s embrace?”

Tegan pulled a face and turned around to look at her. “What?”

“I was walking to my lab when I came across the Doctor and Turlough embracing in the hallway. Turlough was crying, rather dramatically.”

“No, I wasn’t aware of that,” Tegan said, surprised. She turned back around. “Did they see you?”

“I don’t think so. What do you think he could have been crying about?”

Tegan scoffed. “Knowing him, the puppy probably ran away before he was able to slaughter it.”

Nyssa gasped. “Tegan! How could you say that! Turlough may be impolite, but I doubt he’d ever stoop that low!”

“It was a joke, Nyssa,” Tegan said, laughing. “But I don’t know. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Nyssa thought about it. Turlough did seem to have a good head on his shoulders. He didn’t seem like the type to break down in utter distress - at least not very often. And even if he did, the Doctor would be able to handle it. He could handle anything.

“I suppose you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Much. Dialogue.  
> By the way, I write all these chapters fresh. I know I said I've been working on it for 2 years but what I mean is that I've had this concept for 2 years - I haven't been actively writing it for 2 years straight. But yeah I type really fast and since I already know where it's going, I can usually get out at least 3 or 4 chapters a day.


	12. Chapter 12

The Doctor sat in the hallway alone a little while after Turlough left to go to bed, thinking. Turlough’s reaction hadn’t surprised him in the slightest. He was a doctor, after all. He had anticipated that Turlough wasn’t actually angry, just defensive. He saw right through the tough exterior to the sensitivity in the middle, where all of his values and feelings lived. He knew he had to access it, but he hadn’t known it would be so easy.

He sighed and stood up, making his way to the east wing, where there was a set of controls that were causing him a series of problems. He found that when he was feeling particularly frustrated or inconsolable, working on the mechanisms of his TARDIS made him feel better. He removed one of the roundels and pulled out his screwdriver, examining the issue and, once again, discovering nothing. He was about to remove the motherboard to get a closer look when there was a crash.

Thinking that one of his companions had attempted to fly the TARDIS, he sighed and ran to the console room where he was presented with absolutely no traces of anyone.

He walked up to the console to find that one of the levers had been pulled, and the coordinates were not what they had previously been. He pulled up the monitor that revealed a sandy desert, surrounded by many scattered shops and people walking around taking pictures. In the background was the Great Pyramid of Giza.

“What the fuck?” he muttered under his breath. He walked over to the door and opened it. It seemed his eyes hadn’t been playing tricks on him. Someone  _ had  _ landed the TARDIS in Cairo. But who? No one on the TARDIS knew how to fly her - at least not this successfully. He scanned around the area, not spotting any of his companions. When he looked up, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Oh, sweet mother of god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but i thought the end was kinda funny


	13. Chapter 13

Tegan woke up on the floor. She felt like she’d only been asleep for a couple of minutes, and a glance at the clock confirmed her suspicions. There had to have been a reason she was thrown on the floor fifteen minutes after she went to bed.

She pulled herself up off the floor and put on a dressing gown, leaving her bedroom and making her way to the console room where she was sure would hold the source of her sudden wakefulness.

Of course, once she got there everyone was standing around the console, arguing.

“This has to be a joke!”

“I told you they were trouble!”

“Who’s behind this!”

“What’s going on?” Tegan asked, the whole room breaking out in silence.

The Doctor pointed to the monitor, which was zoomed in on a small, circular blur. Tegan wrapped the dressing gown tighter around herself and stepped closer to the monitor. Realization dawned on her.

“Are those -”

“The crumpets, yes,” the Doctor interrupted. Tegan slapped a hand over her mouth in shock.

“But...how! They’re floating in the air, Doctor!”

“I know. This is clearly the work of a prankster.” He shot a glare to Turlough, who stood looking flabbergasted at the accusation. Nyssa and Tegan shared a knowing look.

“Doctor, I’m sorry, but why does this matter? They’re just crumpets,” Nyssa said. The Doctor looked contemplative.

“Nyssa, just trust me. Jim entrusted me with these crumpets for a reason. I mustn’t let him down.” He looked off into the distance. “Besides, I have the strangest feeling that something very important lies behind the crumpets. But I can’t put my finger on what…”

“Fine,” Tegan said hotly. “Let’s say these crumpets are important. But how are we going to get them back? They’re 3 meters in the air!”

The Doctor rubbed his chin for a second before lighting up. He bolted out of the room, showing back up a minute later with a broom.

“You’re going to go get it.”

“What!” Tegan exclaimed. “I’m not going out there by myself!”

“We’ll go with you!” the Doctor suggested excitedly.

And so, the gang set out into a central hub of Giza, dressed in their pajamas. The people watched them, and Tegan noticed they almost looked...frightened.

“Please…” Tegan heard in the background. “Don’t hurt us.”

Women were holding onto their children as they passed, whispering into their ears.

“Doctor,” she whispered, rushing to catch up with him. “Why do they seem scared of us?”

“Well, Tegan, the citizens of Giza are most likely not accustomed to seeing police boxes filled with people materialize out of nowhere.”

Tegan nodded and fell back behind him, as they walked toward the plate of crumpets.

When they reached them, the Doctor handed Tegan the broom. She glared at him, but dejectedly lifted the broom into the air, nudging the plate of crumpets. As soon as she did, they shot off into the distance with a ‘nyoom’ sound.

“Damn it!” she shouted, chasing after them. The rest of the gang followed her, anxious to see what would come of the crumpets. The rest of the guests and shopkeepers followed them as well, muttering among themselves about the strange aliens chasing after a flying plate of crumpets with a broom.

Tegan ran up the steps of the Great Pyramid, trying to hit the crumpets. But no matter how far she reached, they were just too high up for her. She turned around, defeated, to face the crowd and the disappointed Doctor.

“Well, it seems I can’t - OW!” The crumpets had dropped out of the sky and hit her in the face. The crumpets scattered everywhere and the crowd laughed. Tegan held her face in her hands and groaned in pain, humiliated.

“Oh, Tegan, you did it!” the Doctor rejoiced, bending down to pick up the crumpets and place them on the plate.

“FUCK YOU!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of dialogue-heavy. The climax of the story starts in the next chapter and I am so excited for my 2 readers to see where this is heading!


	14. Chapter 14

Nyssa felt bad for Tegan. She hadn’t really done anything to warrant getting hit in the face by a plate of crumpets. Still, she was proud. Tegan had really put a lot of effort into something she knew would make the Doctor happy. As they walked back to the TARDIS, Nyssa reached out and took Tegan’s hand, making her blush.

“Well, I’d say that was a success,” the Doctor said with a broad smile as he shut the door to the TARDIS. “Tegan, how is your face?”

Tegan said nothing to him, only scowling in his direction.

“Doctor,” Turlough whispered from beside him. “I think we should do something to make it up to Tegan.”

The Doctor thought for a second. “Uh……...Oh! Who wants ice cream!”

Everyone lit up, and soon they were in a Texas fruteria, everyone eating ice cream aside from Turlough, who had gotten a big bowl of mixed fruits. They ate in silence, just listening to the sounds coming from the rest of the people in the fruteria. A mobile phone began ringing in the Doctor’s pocket. He excused himself from the table and took the call outside.

“Are you enjoying your ice cream, Tegan?” Nyssa asked, completely forgoing asking Turlough how he was enjoying his fruit.

“Yeah,” Tegan said quietly, staring down at her bowl. “My face hurts.”

Nyssa sighed and reached out, placing her hand on top of Tegan’s. Turlough cleared his throat, but the women ignored him. “I’m sorry, Tegan. But at least the Doctor’s happy!”

Tegan scoffed. “I don’t care! He should have gotten the crumpets himself - I don’t see why I had to do it.”

Nyssa shrugged and leaned back. “I don’t know. But I thought you were very brave.”

Tegan looked up at her, bashful. “Really?”

“Oh, yes. I don’t think I would have been able to chase a flying plate of crumpets with a broom with everyone watching. I especially wouldn’t have handled being hit in the face as well as you did.”

“Thanks, Nyssa,” Tegan said. “That makes me feel a lot better.”

They stared at each other, before leaning in. They were just about to kiss when the Doctor barged into the fruteria, yelling “We need to leave!”

“Oh thank god,” Turlough muttered, picking up his bowl and walking to stand next to the Doctor. 

“What?” Tegan asked, standing up. “Where are we going?”

“Back to Galveston,” the Doctor replied. They all began walking to the TARDIS, the three companions theorizing among themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this could have been longer but i wanted the next chapter to start from the doctor's perspective. although i doubt it matters because it's going to shift into a universal perspective. anyways we are finally getting to our climax (no not in that way, get your head out of the gutter) (oh... you werent thinking that?) (perhaps it is i who needs to get their head out of the aforementioned gutter)


	15. Chapter 15

The Doctor put in the coordinates for Galveston as quickly as he could. He had just gotten a call from Jim to meet him at the bay as soon as he possibly could.

He grabbed the crumpets, which were still sitting on the console, and left the TARDIS, holding the door open for his companions.

“Doctor, what’s going on?” Nyssa asked as they walked together to the bay.

“I’m not sure, Nyssa. We’re all about to find out.”

Standing on the boardwalk was Jim. He was staring at the sea before him with his hands folded behind his back, in almost the exact same stance the Doctor had been in when he told the crumpet origin story.

“Jim!” the Doctor called, and the crab fisherman turned around to look at him.

“Oh my god!” Tegan shouted. “You’re Jim Carrey!” Jim ignored her.

“Doctor! So glad you could make it! I told you I would have a surprise for you.” Jim winked at him and looked down at the crumpets. “You can throw those out if you want.”

Everyone looked at each other. The Doctor smiled, about to tip the crumpets into the bay, when Turlough shouted, “Wait!”

“What is it  _ now,  _ Turlough!” Tegan complained. She was ready to get rid of those crumpets once and for all.

“Just -” Turlough shoved his way through Tegan and Nyssa and stood before the Doctor. He grabbed one of the crumpets with his bare hand, and everyone gasped. “They’re just crumpets, people. What’s so special about them? I mean, they really just - you could just -” He cut himself off by shoving the crumpet in his mouth with a grimace.

“Turlough!” the Doctor shouted. “Spit it out! Stop that!”

He swallowed. “God, that tastes like plastic.”

“What have you done!” Jim yelled. He looked up at the sky. “I’m sorry, my boy!”

Turlough looked at him, flabbergasted. “What are you talk-”

“It’s okay, Jim. I’m fine.” That voice. The Doctor would recognize that voice anywhere.

There was a scream. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. The Doctor found he couldn’t work up the courage to turn around to face whomever or whatever had said that. He could hear commotion behind him, the sounds of screaming and crying and talking, but he found himself staring ahead. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

“He’s right here,” Jim said quietly. The Doctor looked at Turlough, who was smiling at him. He tilted his head toward where everyone was was and mouthed “Go.”

The Doctor turned his head and saw  _ him _ standing there. He slowly walked over to him, and they made eye contact. He smiled at the Doctor, Tegan and Nyssa hanging onto him for dear life.

“Hi.”

The Doctor smiled. “Hello, Adric.” He put his hand out for the boy to shake, but instead was greeted with a bone-crushing hug. He wrapped his arms around Adric, and the world went white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you've made it to the surprise ending! okay lets be real everyone probably saw this coming anyways im gonna add one more chapter to explain everything  
> im literally gonna cry tho this is so stupid but it makes me so emotional. i think the total amount of time i spent writing this was under two hours. tbh that's probably just because i know exactly how it's supposed to go, and it just comes naturally to me  
> i had a lot of fun writing this and suggest that you write something of your own - something silly and satirical can just make your day. much more fun than writing something serious, let me tell you. 
> 
> this story started out as crap. i started writing it in a notebook during my first week of high school. i was scared, alone, i didnt have any friends. but i like, totally had doctor who. so i took my love of something and turned into something that has brought me way too much happiness. sure, it sucks. but i love it. this is my favorite thing i have ever written, im serious. and ive been writing my whole life. just. never underestimate yourself. who cares if no one reads it? at least its out there, and someone will probably find joy in it someday. something stupid i wrote when i was 14 has been so inspiring and exciting for me and im sure that when i look back on it again in another two years ill still be happy.
> 
> aight hope u enjoyed it and hope u enjoy the little epilogue thing have fun bruh


	16. Chapter 16

“Adric, not that I’m not happy to see you...but how exactly are you here?’ the Doctor asked. They were now sitting in the library after an emotional reunion that lasted a little over an hour.

“It’s a bit hard to explain...but I was in the crumpets.” Everyone stared at him, silent for an entire minute.

Tegan finally broke the silence. “What.”

“Well, for the first few days after I died, I was inhabiting a dead hermit crab’s body. You see, somehow, my body and my soul were separated from each other. So...I enlisted the help of Jim in order to get my body back. That itself didn’t take too long - but the restoration took a few days.”

“That literally does not make any sense,” Tegan said, and Adric shrugged. 

“Well, that’s how it happened. And now I’m here.”

Turlough looked distraught. “Are you saying….Did I...Did I eat a piece of your soul?”

Adric laughed. “Yes. But that’s okay. I was able to get it back; the same way I was able to transfer it from the crab, to the crumpets, to this body.”

“...Okay…”

After everyone went to bed, and the Doctor made a fuss about checking on Adric over and over and over again, it was just he and Turlough sitting in the library. They weren’t saying anything, but they were holding hands. 

“How are you feeling?” Turlough asked. The Doctor looked over at him and smiled.

Turlough smiled back at him and leaned close into him. The Doctor wrapped his arms around him and planted his chin on the top of his head with a happy sigh.

“Never better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but it's supposed to be. hope u enjoyed have a nice day

**Author's Note:**

> this used to be up here but since then I've started revamping and rewriting, so here is the new and improved version! who am I kidding, no one will read this...


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